She def said "you had your chance!" after telling me she had a boyfriend. Like a pile of dogshit lecturing me on how I missed out on having itself stuck to the bottom of my shoe.
Just registered some guy for opium withdrawals. WTF opium withdrawals, who does opium anymore.
she is using a fork to eat popcorn and refuses to drink gatorade out of anything but a margarita glass... did i mention the popcorn is on a plate?
So i guess i slapped the girl sitting next to me leg and said "You know what they say, got fat legs...you gotta fat BOX"
also. he gave me a foot massage during 69ing when i got a cramp. he's a winner.
Pretty sure I can show you the text you sent me stating some interest in my penis entering your mouth if said circumstances were met.
When we asked you how you got there you replied in all seriousness, "rode my legs"
Omg. I have a story to tell you later about that girl that just crawled on stage
I don't know how we managed to stay up but we actually sat in front of her open refrigerator for god knows how long while she ate salami straight out of the package with her fingers and I laughed. It was a trainwreck.
"Friendship bread", "how to get period stains out of cement", and "elephant bereavement" are all in my recent google history. Whatever shit that was last night really did me in...
I'm 50% okay with that amount of body contact... plus/minus 7% based on where blood may flow.
Hey, scratch that. I've shit 8 times today. I don't have the energy to get laid so I cancelled my date.
Hey, sorry for threatening to teabag your mom to death last night
Also I know you probably did not understand anything I said on the phone last night but thank you for pretending.
Your Vodka Saturday privileges have been reduced to Beer until you go a full month without losing an article of clothing.
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