what happens if a cat eats a birth control pill? i mean i don't care about the cat i really just don't want to get pregnant
There's a girl n class drinking wine out of a taco bell cup. I can smell it.. it's totally reisling. JEALOUS.
Apparently last night drunk me put my phone in a cup of beer to make it "fun scented".
why the fuck would he compare you to sexy aquatic creatures?
SARAH B AND I ARE GOING TO GO HALFSIES AND BUY YOU A CAT. IS THAT OKAY. TO KEEP YOU COMPANY DURING THUNDERSTORMS SUCH AS THIS ONE. ITS BECAUSE WE LOVE YOU.
Twas the night before the bachelor party, and all thru the house...not a creature was stirring, not even a stripper?...
I was blowing him while he was singing Happy Birthday to his girlfriend on the phone. I win.
i’m not very adjusted to having free time. for example, I forgot how much fun it is to masturbate.
AFTER I licked the bald guys head they told me we weren't playing
I have this terrible fear I might accidentally text a pic of my dick to my grandma
If his smile makes you freak out and drop things imagine what his penis could do
the liver wants what the liver wants
What am I supposed to say? "Hey remember last spring when I did an ergonomic assessment on your office, well here's an ergo for your dick."
I just woke up and I don't really remember anything past 1pm. How much am I missing?
A good 10-11 hours. You got laid twice. Also, you out-ran a cop and played football with a lamp.
I just apologized to a wet floor sign i walked into.
Randomize
