Sooo sorry about that. And crying. And comparing my life to a duck
right before he came he said "im ganna fill your stocking" nothing like holiday spirit!!
woke up next to her writing my name in some journal. apparently she makes every guy she hooks up with sign out.
there's no food at this bar, but i'm pretty sure vodka is made of wheat so i'm basically drinking bread.
She cut off the top of a watermelon and is now eating it with a spoon. She's more than half done.
She just drank the vanilla extract. Again. AGAIN. No one should be that eager to get drunk.
There is ecstasy everywhere. Get over here right no5w. The 5 is silent.
i sent you a picture of beads you send me a picture of boobs how hard is this to understand
And. I know i am a gay man cause when i saw the pic of his cock his feet were in it and i am like what the fuck?
Drive by water balloon fight on $500,000 boats ended when someone threw a dildo
I accidentally told my mom "the reason I didn't answer your call is because my phone was in my pants, on the floor"
You put on some guys Birkenstocks that were abandoned on the dance floor overtop of your flats. Then ran out of the bar high gives the bouncer and said "look at my new kicks" then he was like woah wait a minute someone is missing those and made you return them. You were very upset
She came into the salon and said, "Don't judge me. Yes that's cum in my hair and I want a shampoo, cut and style."
Dignity. Ruined. Must. Smoke. Weed.
Want a bet? I'm a kinky and determined motherfucker with a libido that is not easily stopped
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