Crosby and Malkin: Two girls, one cup.
I've been thinking and really it's a miracle I haven't had an STD yet.
I'm gonna stay in bed all day and watch porn in an attempt to stay warm.
a garbage man just dropped off my phone and wallet. he found them in the trash this morning.
In all honesty of all my sexual conquests, his dick is probably my proudest moment.
Is shaving my mustache contingent on you sleeping over tonight?
"it's Wednesday" isn't a good enough excuse to take my debit card and use it for your own drunken needs. You owe me 250 bro
Dude tried texting you during but she threw my pants too far away
My roommate just walked in with a case of beer locked himself in his room and told us he was going to masturbate his feelings away...
Flacco has been sacked like 7 times. His name also auto corrects to Flaccid. That's so sad
too bad we didn't bet. my 38-1 tears would have made great lubrication for a blow job.
Wish me luck. My vagina needs it.
May his noodley appendage touch you.
I'm to the point of desperation where I stare at customers penis imprints through their pants all day
Was it cause you feel bad for the ridiculousness my vagina goes through because same
I feel like any time there's that much rope, lingerie, and horse masks on the ground, it's safe to say it was a great night
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