Dear everyone that texted me last night wondering where i was. i ended up face down blacked up drunk before i made it to the party. My bad
best part, i was ridiculous and none of them were judging me bc they didn't want my vagina. it was like i was a pretty painting
This frat boy drinking a forty and wearing a pussy patrol shirt just ran out in front of my car. I should have used less brakes.
Dude, everyone in your family has slept with that girl. Her vagina is like the Hindu version of a Bar Mitzvah.
I just found out my first birthday was a keg party. Suddenly everything makes sense
Just found the video that explains the neighborhood applause. Your landlord is awesome, and the clothes are on the roof
Was this before or after he told that homeless man outside the bar about his past sexual experiences?
she bonged a coffee cause she was hungover. then she bonged a beer cause she got ambitious. then she barfed. then she had to start over again.
It feels like my uterus is trying to crawl out of my ass wearing cleats. And yourself?
One time she made a chronological chart for the guys she has given blow jobs to, I shit you not.
Think I just subconsciously wanted a cigarette and started sleep walking to Carl's.. Didn't realize what I was doing until I found myself in an elevator.
She's impossible to please. Other than with two fingers and a tongue.
Why is there a cash register on top of my car?
Are u guys proud? I puked my brains out last night at a strip club. While my two fave strippèrs held my hair
He wants to buy me a wedding ring and pretend to be married to someone else when we fuck. It actually makes me wet thinking about it.
Randomize
