New invention idea: vibrating tampons
i found a beer bottle on top of the urinal, peed in it and put it back... if anyone gets drunk enough to fall for it they deserve it
I like to melt taper candles in my wine bottles the next day, it makes my drinking trophies more classy, and makes me look like less of an alcoholic.
why is there a clump of hair nailed to my wall?
The bar owner gave me permission to push people into the pool. I'm never going to leave Los Angeles
She just pulled out a chicken strip and a hundred dollar bill from her purse. This is a legit twentyfirst bday weekend.
I dont care if he cant spell. Illiterate people need blowjobs too
Haha. I got you. I always pay you back somehow. Do you accept all major forms of payment: cash, taco bell, and patriotic underwear?
Oh if we have sex in public no one will frown upon it. They will stand and cheer for it
found a better reason to procrastinate than the usual sunday-don't-give-no-fucks. literally every one of my textbooks is soaked in captain. can't turn a page without gagging.
True friendship: When you can hold your best friend's hair and still eat your Stromboli at the same time.
I fucked your neighbor. Welcome to the new apartment!
It isn't about the beer pong. It is about the destruction of the patriarchy.
Haha holy fuck. i dont remember much after pissing on your ex's flaming nude pics.
I feel like I haven't slapped your ass in years. This will be awesome.
Randomize
