I got wasted for the 1st time and I sat in a fridge for 2 hours and a trash can?
I'm drunk in f*****g wisconsin and want to kill myself.
If it's any consolation, be grateful that you're not in New Jersey.
So bad night, ended up beating off to porn and eating Keebler elf cookies.... at the same time :-(
So there is this guy preaching the word of God outside our club. I went up to him and said, "God made this body, and he made it for premarital sex." Sup, Hell?
I walked into my house this morning to find an 18 pack on the counter. I think that's gods way of ringing the bell for round two.
he wanted to have me eat skittles off of his body. he mad gay sex even gayer.
I'm pretty sure there was a language barrier but he knew what "harder" meant.
Thank god Shes going home for winter break, gives my dick a chance to recover from those "bjs." Youd think a senior could suck a dick by now.
We bonded over the fact that we each, separately, got arrested on the same weekend.
Last night did I take a piece of pizza out of your hand and then proceed to eat it?
Twice...
I think I may have some undocumented and undiscovered std that causes girls to go bat shit crazy. How you got it is beyond me
The cop that got shot in the dick is here, let the entertainment begin.
I laid naked in his bed as he brought me an ice cream sandwich so I would say everything worked out great
I don'y know if I should feel accomplished or disgusted. I just ate a dozen cookies all to myself. I'm leaning more towards accomplished.
i was too drunk before they even got here. i took all their phones instead of keys and hid them in the freezerr...im an awesome party host.
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