Who said anything about talking that was a booty call
Moving to Utah. Got sick of alcohol and have a severe wife shortage.
all thats left of you is your magnum wrapper on my dresser
By the way, your roommate is right. His penis is much bigger than yours.
we all know badassery is carried on the XX chromosome
While we were having sex he told me "this is what you get for not parking my car right" I have never drove his car. He was that kind of weird.
No, I think it was the night I threw up in her front yard. You're thinking of the time I threw up in her backyard.
She alternated between blowing me and feeding me bites of the sandwich she made for me.
3 months til "no sober october" start prepping now. i cant have you bitch out on me halfway through like last year.
until he told me my vag was like a juicy apple and he loved eating it, yes, i really did think we were both sober.
How many beers are too many "cause it's Archer Thursday" beers?
I'd say I'd distract him, but I lose my psychic powers when guys get girlfriends. And by psychic powers I mean taking off my top.
You just can't finish a sentence that starts with "I may have drunk peed in the bed" with "do you mind if I skip work and sleep here?" Anyways, yeah still drunk at work.
There's no button for "gave my boyfriend's cock to a friend" on my intimacy calendar.
I think I just shit out all my problems.
Randomize
