It was just pointed out to me in a meeting that there is a lipstick stain on my crotch.
i scrubbed and i scrubbed and i scrubbed and i still was a whore
You were chewing up hot dogs and spitting them out
we were both as far on opposite edges of my bed as possible this morning. id say work is gonna be a little uncomfortable from now on
mom found the triscuts in her underwear drawer, its done.
You passed out in my bathroom last night. I put a towel over your face so I could shit without it being gay
Seriously this night has "go home now before you cry, puke or scream on someone" written all over it.
if you just come over, i will entertain you
arguing about the color of your bong does not count as entertainment
Sorry I didn't take you making out with him all night as a hint you wanted nothing to do with him...
I'm going to try to ignore the homoerotic subtext in that last question...
She described me as " a caterpillar of adorable quietness that exploded into a slutty butterfly" She definitely nailed it there
Can we table this discussion? The roommate is out of town and I have to eat pie on the couch in my underwear.
Hahahaha yep. You were picking up the credit card machine and singing to it in Spanish.
Just responding to the most professional request I've ever gotten to get shitfaced.
I just thought I should tell you that I always know what you are doing. Everywhere. Every time. -Your loving Mother
Randomize
