epic walk of shame this morning involving 2 subway transfers. I need to start sexing locally.
Wow my backseat really seemed a lot bigger when we were 16
Haha I wonder if my burp offended him. So I gave him a fist pump to signify how friendly I am
well tonys high enough to be moving from spot to spot around the kitchen shooting tortellini into a boiling pot and yelling "KING JAMES" whether he makes or misses it.
Can you check your dirty laundry bag for my tooth.
The only difference is Iv never super glued straws to your nipples.
I knew full well that at some point during the night my penis would be out with this costume choice
You can't Tinder AND have him bring you icecream in the same night. It messes with your vagina.
Why are we so great
Like I'm def going to a therapist but I wouldn't change a thing about us except maybe the peeing
Need to find a Santa hat to fit my penis, he deserves to be festive too.
Tune in tm morning for how to buy Plan B in a foreign country while coming down off ecstasy
You know you're high when, "Why can't I steal the duck?!" Becomes a serious question.
My fuck it list is complete! I finally got a firefighter!
Just try and act like you're sober
I can't I snorted an anti depressant and he's pouring me tequila shots
So...I know we have a conversation later this week. But one of the key things I want to know is if I can specify having my body mummified and buried in Egypt (or at least nearby the Luxor in Vegas). How much money do you think that would cost? Do I need to increase my life insurance policy?
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