I need a creepy friend to scare off the other creepy people
I would be honored to be that friend.
Based on how hungover I feel today, it makes more sense that the bouncer didn't let me in to that bar.
He offered but I said no. I didn't think it'd be cool to accept cupcakes in the mens room of a gentlemans club.
Okay, lets just agree to keep all cutlery related activities to a minimum.
If the EMT's ask later... I had 5 hour energy for breakfast and Four Loko for dinner... It might be important for them to know that
I dont know, my roommate got arrested but I'm gunna get some tacos no matter what
On a scale of your daily life to smuggling crack into the DR, how illegal is it?
Some old truck driver just made me smell his beard I hope tonight turns out better
Im dating a 38 year old who's lap I can fit in. Tell me I don't have daddy issues.
This bowl of cereal would be the size of a giant's bowl-piece. It's. that. big.
How much did you smoke??
I'm pretty sure when you walk down Broadway and can pick out people you've slept with.. It might be a problem. I'm leaving for rehab tomorrow.
omg this is getting ridiculous. nobody's vagina should ever be this neglected.
I had to hose off vomit off my driveway at 9 am.....so hot
If I get one more "oh yaaaaa he changed your oil" texts, I'm gonna lose my shit
Fuck that guy and his dumb haircut and awesome dick
Randomize
