just tell him he has love handles, he'll die of insecurity
The paper boy just woke me up in the front yard again.
You are the worst kind of disappointment. The responsible kind.
She says I'm cute and I remind her of her brother. She's too hot to back out now. I don't know. I'm guna go for it.
If you were curious as to how many pounds of bagged marijuana can fit in the trunk of a 2010 Chevrolet Aveo, we now have the answer
I don't care if I just threw up. You kiss me now. This is marriage.
I thought you just gave him blowjobs and he criticized your drug use.
the cab driver said that we weren't the worst shit show he'd ever seen, CHALLENGE ACCEPTED!!
i think the title to my autobiography shall be, "a bottle of vodka and various pieces of meat"
and this is why you're my favorite gay friend.
I just watched a stripper purchase $43 of Rockstar and corn nuts. Godamnit! We need helmet cams.
So yes we had an orgy last night and I sucked your tits while you fucked my husband but I am weird about sharing my toothbrush.
I opened my bookbag to put my laptop in and I found two granola bars and a pregnancy test. I am clearly prepared for life
So was it everything you dreamed it would be
I puked.
Twice.
So is that a yes?
the people in front of me have a grocery cart in their car... i missed college...
Right. Cuz nothing screams "You made it!" quite like selling your used underwear to strangers you met on the internet.
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