one two three fourrrrnication!
oh jesus shes a lukewarm mess
Just realized our kids will one day call us old because we were around when texting came about. I'm sad.
I go to guys houses late at night, have a little fun, come back by dawn having made their life a little bit better. I am the official blow job fairy.
I am a mess. Weirdest thing: I woke up with a hammer under my pillow. No idea why.
We found her hiding in the bath tub.. And when i opened the curtain she replied "thank you" and walked out like nothing happened.
Dude, didn't you know? Its balls out wednesday.
Why would you fall asleep? This is why i cant drink with my lesbian friends anymore. They take my clothes off and get vodka in my top ramen. Only yoouuu can prevent forest fires.
You coulda licked the floor this morning and got drunk.
You ruined me. I can't stop referring to everything outside as the "no-walls" ever since you showed me that video while I was tripping balls. My speech may be permanently altered for the rest of earth spins
He's like a hurricane
a drunk, sexist, hurricane
I slid a quarter down a drunk man's butt crack last night. Qdoba gets rowdy
And then I realized my chick friends consist only of sober you, drunk you and hungover you
The day will come again young grasshopper. For now you must complete your training of patience and tongue biting
You don't understand. This boy has the Mona Lisa of cocks.
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