is it wrong that I prefer my women with low self esteem and a smidgen of an eating disorder?
Hahaha, sighhhh...I texted him to no response. It's a shame, really...I would gladly exchange my body for pizza rills.
i actually just woke up with a lampshade on my head. god damn cliches.
Just because you're using the Hipstamatic app for your nude photo taking, it doesn't make your drunken blowjob pics any classier.
There's a good chance a guy sucked off my right earring last night
Walking down the street at 11 pm dressed in bubble wrap. Why is the bar so fucking far away??
Your friends turned off our power in the basement and when we went to turn it back on I got sprayed in the face with a fire extinguisher. FYI.
spending my first valentines day single in 3 years blazed and eating heart shaped brownies i bought myself. WHO NEEDS A MAN.
I like how zombie Abe Lincoln and hooking up with a girl were on your same thought process.
Um ... did I have a lizard on my shoulder last night at the bar?
If wanting to text you my feelings after three mojitos is wrong I don't wanna be right.
We turned his nipples into a drinking game.
Just hit on a girl with the line, "You look like Natalie Portman if she did drugs". Strike 1
I’m at the Eye doc, sitting in the waiting room. The woman next to me is highlighting passages in her bible. I’m watching pornhub on mute. I clearly need some penis, or Jesus.
You’re not his type
I’ve got blonde hair and great tits. I’m every man’s type
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