I'm gonna start referring to my vag as my ladygarden
worst. lesbian. ever. i'm not sure she knows a clit from a pencil eraser.
Just used a champagne bottle to outline a trigonometric circle for math 104.. should i give up on life now or later?
I'm still trying to decide if it's a complement when he said "I'd like to subscribe to your daddy issues".
lit a joint with my parents wedding matches today, this is what happens when you're out of lighter fluid. didnt even feel guilty.
My chin is breaking out a bit and feels all itchy and burny like I'm allergic to something. Are you using a new lotion on your balls?
Considering that your "hello" was replaced with "Fuck yo couch," I'm not surprised that you have a black eye.
Do you still speak french? one of two girls I woke up with only speaks french...
This morning he fucked me while I was brushing my teeth. So I kept brushing as he thrusted. Then I brushed his teeth with my toothbrush while he was still in me. So hygienic.
On the shuttle bus from the Casino the driver refused to take us to the strip club so you said "let me off this bus or ill puke on you".
Of course, it's a law of friendship. "Thy friend Shalt always hold hatred for thine friend's swinish ex"
Turns out I screen transfered my streaming trucker restroom porn vid to the downstairs neighbors'TV instead of my own, damn you chromecast
You’re about to have a sober threesome with a rando at a Fenway bar?
See that doesn't work because we've had sex so its awkward for you to call me mom
Let’s not dwell on the negatives. I have a fat ass and suck dick well.
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