No matter how fun it seemed the night before you will always regret taking those pictures, you will always regret eating as much as you did, but you will never regret the great lengths you had to got to get those bruises.
ok understand this, i didn't pay for your dinner bc you said i wasn't going to get a blowjob for at least a month... this isn't a mail-in rebate deal, you gotta pay upfront
His drunken night ended with a "car accident" which really meant he was stuck in a toy car and pushed down the steps.
Just walked in on the Yellow Ranger getting porked by a guy in a UD Blue Hen costume. Will somebody PLEASE think of the children.
i shall enjoy my approximately 2 hours of being sober today
i told you he always needs adult supervision he just tazered himself
You said you wanted to start a restaurant called 'Barbecue' where everything is barbecued. You sounded really proud of your concept.
Please stop using me as a reference for bail bondsmen.
i want to live in a society where a 20 year old can wear pigtails and not get them called handlebars, because i look fucking adorable in them.
At what point did you realize I was getting blown under the table during our dominos game?
Yeah, first date. First take a pic of him to circulate around for your friends and than have him fill out a short penis questionnaire. Seems completely legit to me.
I need to stop challenging people to taking off clothes. I win too often
Are you drunk? You left me a voicemail at 5:59 AM of you making dolphin sounds.
He also sent me nipple clamps because romance is NOT dead
Sitting in the dr office she literally looked at my throat and goes have you been having oral intercourse
Randomize
