Played the LOTR drinking game last night. Ended up in boxers running thru the lot at ross's place screaming "for frodo"
He wanted me to blow him while he was playing guitar hero. there will not be a second date
I just found glass in my funny face pancakes, there's nothing funny about that.
I'm thinking we should try to start remembering stuff we do. Althought I kinda like feeling like Nancy Drew the next morning.
More like the Hardy Boys cause its kinda like a team effort.
She told me to "stuff her hole like a build-a-bear". I was so drunk I didn't even think that was weird.
I haven't been this hungover since you found me laying in front of your door gagging with pepto bismal tablets scattered around me
This is me reassuring you that I'm still alive and making sure you still are.
Im in mikes bed telling my vagina I'm sorry in advance.
At tuba camp, the pickings are slim. It's like being the tallest midget.
I'm considering offering a class on how to find good porn.
I can't find a song to express how gay I'm feeling.
I'm eating lunchables with a glass of wine while I FaceTime the guy I lost my virginity to.
Just delivered a pizza to a holiday inn and a delivery driver from Me n Ed's walked up at the same time, we both were going to the same floor so we stood in the elevator making small talk about delivery stuff, but a small part of me wanted to deck him, stand over him and shout,"FOR THE HUT MOTHERFUCKER, FOR THE HUT!"
Jesus christ, don't start a pizza delivery gang war.
Just spent 10 minutes washing away my own puke. This gas station lady loves me.
I've broken 3 vibrators in the past month because I apparently am "too rough" with them. Is that even possible?!
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