I wish there was an iPhone app to help you with your shitty personality.
I'm beginning to feel kind of at home at Police stations
Don't judge me. He's really sexy for a 17 year old. We made nasty in the womens bathroom at the beach. Don't worry. I wore sandals in there.
None of that is ok.
They are baked and once again have spent the last 45 mins talking about opening up a world wide business called "pickle on a stick"
we had a ceremony where you passed your fake id onto me in the middle of the bar. i was on my knees and you presented it to me. i don't think the bartenders were suspicious though
i got two bottles of merlot and sorrows to drown, you in??
I asked a lamppost to be my valentine. Also: I'm wearing a sombrero. We need more sombrero in our lives.
I ended up at these random girls' house they are smoking weed out of a gun
I'm putting you on my Emergency card so i can spend the last ounce of strength in my hospital bed to flip you off.
He got weirdly turned on by the video of my cat licking nacho cheese off my finger.
I sewed up my pants, stole his girlfriends white shirt, and went to work hungover like a responsible adult.
Explain the King Dong next to my face.
Stop studying come to the bar get drunk and help me figure out how to get home pretend there are commas in there someplace
I might go to an NA meeting just to fuck that boy in the bathroom.
Just walked into the supermarket puking into a plastic bag while wearing my favorite Bob Ross shirt. I am a human disaster.
Randomize
