i live my life in a constant state of hangover.
No, don't worry. We're not going to get THAT arrested.
My mom called me and we started arguing as usual. I finally screamed at her "I HEAR YOU AND THAT 30 YEAR OLD FUCKING!" and hung up. She hasn't called back yet. I win.
You said you couldnt get the condom on but "its the thought that counts"
I left him a voicemail saying i went through with the abortion and he texts me back one thing... the bbm "phew" face. really?
I'be color coordinated the clothes in my closet and my underwear drawer. I'm like an advertisement for house arrest. Help.
Do me a favor? If you get with him, please lick his abs. Someone has too they're just too beautiful not to.
I gave you a piece of bread to sober you up. You wiped your face off with it and then gave it back to me.
My dad is so drunk he attempted to ride my two year old cousin's tricycle. For a solid five minutes.
Is the party worth it?
I am drink. Beer pony and singing.
I want to get up and tell you that smells delicious but I'm struggling with the idea of pants
Just Peed in a cup for my country. Fighting the good fight.
Hypothetically speaking how does one remove a lamp that they hypothetically superglued to the ceiling?
Acetone nail polish remover, and you lied about studying last night didn't you?
Oh definitely.
I don't just want drugs. I deserve drugs.
He cut off part of his middle finger playing the knife game while singing The Knife Game Song at the top of his lungs. He also scream like a girl when his finger hit the floor and he realized he fucked up.
Randomize
