Dan just whipped out his wang to piss in a milk jug! Hello weekend.
I'm getting very mixed reviews. One friend told me to stop drinking bc the last 3 times he's heard from me I've either peed my pants, been throwing up, or people have been having sex beside me.
Strangely enough I'm encouraging you to keep drinking for all the same reasons.
We're attempting to get a tally of how may people puked last night...Please respond with your vomit status.
hey, you wanna get together over coffee or something?
is this code for 'i just got broke up with and i need a sympathy dicking'?
how did you know?
Just asking. Could've given you a lap dance in a sombrero, drenched in corona and tequila.
God Bless cinco de mayo
i'm gonna fuck his crew, i'm gonna wax my asshole. i'm gonna make them all cry tears of sex joy then move to colorado.
His idea of role playing was him wearing the halloween mitt romney mask while I gave him head
Wait also totally unrelated but can horses sit down?
I just tried to picture one and I don't think they can cause I can't envision it
If I was home I'd be ouija boarding the fuck out of the house, haven't been this high since that day
It also means I'm watching porn with mario earphones so i can hear. Possibly the best way to mastrabate EVER
Why are we so great
Like I'm def going to a therapist but I wouldn't change a thing about us except maybe the peeing
It's taking every bit of my restraint not to go to the store and buy chips and cake and like steal someone's dog. PMS is so weird.
I would've fucked Winston Churchill - rode that D like I was going into battle.
I'm giving drunk me full control of my body for the next few days. Please don't let me die.
Oh fuck, I'm officially a cougar..he's got the same name as my grandson
Randomize
