Why is it that you only get to have sex when you haven't shaved your legs in six weeks and are wearing period stained granny panties?
It's my birthday, I plan on masturbating and boating, maybe even masturbate on the boat.
So at what point do I tell her that I like fucking these hot southern girls more than I like my relationship with her?
I do remember getting hit in the face by an ugly one because she thought I was blowing on her butthole.
Trying to grind with crutches was not a success
i get the sense she is planing new and exciting ways to physically harm me during sex
Can you pick me up a bottle of make-an-ass-of-myself tonight?
Do you want cuervo gold or silver?
Last night I was this close to hooking up with someone called "Handjob Pat" dubbed for the time he paid $150 for a handjob in Canada.
His cat must have been laying on his dick, because now my face is covered in hives�
side note: on a scale of 1-10, how bad an idea is it to hook up with 9 cats guy?
I should come with a warning like "do not feed me tequila or cocaine, I will ruin the party and cry"
So I have been told that I licked your eyebrows last night
Today, I lack passion for anything but Taco Tuesday.
No, Ethan, handcuffs and friendship bracelets are not "basically" the same thing.
Dear Ex-Sister-in-Law, I never thought I would say this, but I just found your panties in my back seat. Please remind me to give them back.
Randomize
