I'm too scared of my Fleshlight to even use it anyway.
You know how i spent all of black friday on the plane? Well guess who's getting a x-mas gift from skymall?!!??
he yelled "RELEASE THE KRAKEN" then hit me with his dick
I couldn't walk, so he carried me all the way home; and then I told him that I wasn't drunk enough to fuck him. Poor kid.
we are playing family charades. my sister pointed at me. everyone guessed alcoholic.
Remember when I booked a hotel room for next sat? Nneither do I.
As long as he sees me topless I don't care. Redemption. REEEDDDEMMMPPPTTIIIOOONNNNN
You're just mad that I don't wanna have dugout sex with you
Remember when I referred to my box of wine as my briefcase and made all of those stupid jokes about working overtime? Thanks for ignoring my cry for help.
Our lady landlord called. Dot worry, I handled it. Drunk. Tell her it was Nate. Done. Good. Bye. Drunk.
This is the guy I made out with and it made me think of my dad. Let's never talk about it again.
And that kids is the last time I ever try to outdrink Germans
He seems like a lot more than a waste of tequila
Yeah I either headbutted a street sign while texting or I defended you two from an evil gang of nazi muggers. I was black out so I am gonna assume it was option b.
wyd
Laying here debating on if i want a sandwich or an orgasm.
Randomize
