He seemed more like the type to get donkey punched by a she-male hooker to me
i hate having sex with him only a few drinks in. i like it better when i cant remember the gory details.
all I know is if I don't watch spice world right now there will be a firefight.
I seriously love my fucking boobs. They are so boobs.
DUDE DUDE I JUST GOT TH E BEST IDEA FOR A CHILDRENS BOOK "If You Give A Girl A Blow Job"
Thursdays are my worst days
but now we sippin champagne when we thirstay?
you ran down to the water at 3am and rolled in the sand and ran around screaming that you were the corn dog monster.
Turns out puking in your mask makes it even harder to see out of the mask..
I can't wait for the day Google doesn't remind me that I got arrested for having 3 shots called 'frog cum' lined up in front of me.
it was like a shit fog rolling out of the east to encompass me and have it's way with me
I fucking love your mom. She's so drunk and fully functional. I aspire to be her one day.
I just remembered that we had an in-depth conversation about how it was too stressful to wear pants.
I think weed is turning my hair brown
My new boobs got me 12 drinks at the concert. Whose the real winner here?
Hot date tonight for the first time in months and I just cut my dick shaving. PRAY FOR ME.
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