That bar we were at last night smelled like cougars. Virginia Slims, Aqua Net and Summer's Eve.
some girl in front of me in class just googled "hungover+throwing up blood"
i have a new found respect for you. the amount of people you must have cockblocked last night is amazing
Just did lines off a tackle box. Love Montana.
He's eating a cream cheese sandwich. He's obviously distressed.
Are you seriously trying to guilt me into sending you naked pictures by saying "So I can look at them during dialysis" ?
Is it working?
#1 benefit of having an equality sticker on my car: some girl flashed me while i was driving home
His penis is small and he doesnt like Harry Potter. HE HAS NO REDEEMING QUALITIES WHAT AM I EVEN DOING HERE
we got her to the bathroom intime. all she could say was 'now my bladder is empty just like my soul'
I fell asleep masterbating while watching family guy... This is what happens when girl's night gets canceled
I just sneezed and margarita mix and ash came out of my nose. I love jersey
Please let me buy the coffee, all my assets are in starbucks gift cards
OH GOOD GOD THE BUFFALO WING SAUCE IS BURNING MY FUCKING CUNT. WHY THE FUCK DID I AGREE TO SPICY AND NOT MILD
Tempted to tell the Titos promoters at this bar that they are doing the lords work.
i'm eating chex mix in the shower while texting. i feel accomplished.
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