nothing tight i'm going to stuff myself with food and alchy
Very drunk. laura says hi. i can't find my pants. i think i'm in philly, but it might be jersey somewhere
I used the word aforementioned in my paper. That's an automatic A in community college.
I know it may not be fiscally responsible to pregame fifty cent night, but I'm gonna go ahead and do it anyway.
people at meijer look at you funny when you have 37 bottles of champagne in your cart.
It was perfect I came I passed out in his comfortable bed then a glass of jack Daniels fell from the bed post and spilled all over my face
Yep. Just threw myself a bachelorette party with my coworkers penis before I re-enter the holy order of monogomous relationships.
I heard about the break up and if you need a place to stay my vagina is open for you 24/7
Btw after this weekend the chipndales costume has a 125% success rate.
Go forth my little lesbian, get your gayme on
Thought about you all night last night, then I fucked the shit out of my boyfriend. Win win for me.
My roommate just caught me cleaning a tostitos queso jar with my hand and eating it. He didn't judge. Bonding moment.
Last night a drunk chick tried to lick me. If you are trying to lick the zombies, you are too drunk for the haunted house.
I just found a piece of dried shredded carrot on my bed
When was the last time you got laid?
When was the last time you came home sober?
touche
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