Having your wife answer your cell was so lame. Maybe we can talk when you get your phone, your facebook account, and your balls back.
he wouldn't shut up and let me sleep
yeah i got into a fight with my man last night
why can't men just shut up and put out?
She's Christian and monogamous. Two wammies right there. No amount of convincing will turn that bi for a night.
thing about being the result of a teen pregnancy is that all my baby pictures are of my mom and dad holding me around their stoned college friends.
You turned byob into bring your own shit show. Good work.
Maybe I'll just get really drunk on valentines day and tell him I think his penis is small
with hottub sex, handcuffs, Pocahontas themed lap dances, and eating pumpkin pie off each other, I'm gonna say thanksgiving will be a success ;)
this whole "benign brain tumor" is truly a blessing in disguise. I almost want to start bringing MRIs to the bar because sympathy pussy is flowing like the nile
In another note. Thanks for making me get a vibrator. For real.
HE BEAT A GUY WITH NOTHING BUT RAZZLE DAZZLE AND HIS FABULOUSNESS
I just wanted to personally thank you for throwing clementine slivers at me across the room while we made out
Whatever he got a sick blow job and his high school fantasy was fulfilled
And that's what dreams are made of
*hilary duff crying in the background*
What. The. Fuck.
You'll have to be more specific. I do a lot of "what the fuck" kind of stuff
Something in me snapped and now I’m just googling famous vegans.
Look idk the rules and regulations of our freindship...but I need you to carry me to my car.
Randomize
