remember that time i ran away from the bar and passed out in a street cot?
neither do i
I wish you wouldn't refer to your breast milk as "ammunition"
threw up during christmas carols. the audience at the church seemed to immediately know i was a college student
Everytime I cough, my tampon falls out a little bit. Does this mean I'm loose?
My mom asked what the mark on my neck was - I told her I burned it with a straightener.
She believed that the monsterous hickey on your neck was a burn?
well, not really. but then i reminded her that my sister has yet to take that pregnancy test and she conviniently forgot about my hickey
I'm officially "accidentally set myself on fire" drunk
What is the appropriate way to inform him that I am TOTALLY down for break up sex?
Found myself carrying 2 bottles of .89 euro wine about half a mile to where im staying. and someone stopped me and spoke to english. apparently, i reek of drunk american.
I'm on a mission. But just to make out with him so his relationship collapses and he is single when I come back in April.
Babies are disgusting. I held one once. Then I washed my hands and rinsed my mouth out with wine.
I don't fucking know. He perched his parrot on his dick. I left after that.
He totally fucked me in his Chewbacca socks
i'm at work, alone, drinking a spiced chai & fireball hot toddy. holiday OT isn't that bad after all.
I just walked in on my dad beating it.. There's not a fucking therapist in ARKANSAS that can help me with that!
Oh my God it's like my cock was dipped in lava
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