And i was thinking, 'i'm happy to be underneath you, but i wish you weren't doing THAT.'
I am so fucking pissed, there are no Shamwows in the As Seen on TV Store.
Looks like you'll have to stick to jizzing in socks.
they're scary. like turkeys that ate nuclear fucking steroids.
its simple. when his lips are on my clitoris i want to marry him. when they are speaking i want to kill him.
you were leaning against the vending machine asking if there was a shower you could puke in.
He has until sunday, then my legs are officially closed to him
You always seem to be able to bribe me with tequila and Mac and cheese. This relationship of ours will cause me health problems someday.
I ended up at home with a random bird sculpture and flowers
I'm two shots in and wandering around Barnes and Noble with $58 in singles.
The Uber driver took us to a Waffle House. We didn't even say anything when we got in. MAGIC.
I'm pretty sure my munchies are the only reason Good and Plenty is still around
Like you haven't hit rock bottom until you have had to throw your own turd out a window
ANNA YOU PEED ON THE STREET. LIKE NOT EVEN SUBTLY. YA JUST SQUATTED IN THE MIDDLE OF THE HIGHWAY. And you flashed your tits to oncoming vehicles to try to get them to pick us up
Pretty sure one of my drivers stopped to get laid while he was delivering a pizza. Is it appropriate to give him a write-up AND a high-five?
We probably are going to die. So. Thanks for agreeing to be my Maid of Honor even though I torture you.
Randomize
