I want to give you a handjob with my mouth.
This ginger kid smells like a queef popsicle
Just heard "Kiss Me Though the Phone" for the first time. Amazed how it took Soulja Boy two songs to become a shitter version of Ja Rule.
Is it bad to use cherry nyquil as substitute for grenadine? Because i just went there.
Nah, totally cool. It already has the alcohol in it.
I just made a milkshake without a blender... thats determination
i really wish i had a remote for my computer. its all the way on my bed while im across the hall puking my brains out to enya. not cool.
You got off, kissed my dick and whispered "stay hard" to it, puked and then got right back on top of me like nothing happened...
Frozen pudding on a popsicle stick. Bill Cosby would be so proud of drunk me.
Okay. thanks for sacraficing your body and risking aids for our snowcone business.
you were like "guys ... i think i got fingered while dancing tonight"
our poor poor cab driver
Totally forgot Mike has only one ball. Is it sad I'm excited to see it? Or shall I say the lack of it?
My CPA just snapchatted me a picture of her playing beer pong at a picnic. Time to do my own taxes?
Slept at my ex's best friends house while my ex was locked out and I walked by him sleeping in his car this am
Best part about losing weight and not fitting into your pants any longer? They come off quick for chipotle emergencies.
Had a very good bday. Have the teeth marks and bruises to prove it
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