Ha. Yes. I'm at a strip club. I'm the barack obama of strip clubs
You should really come over right now. There's hot construction workers across the street. I'm gonna go pour beer on myself in a bikini on the sidewalk. See you in 5?
I am not one to point fingers but since it says your name "wuz here" next to the dick drawn on my stomach I am holding you personally responsible.
I just saw a van full of amish parents and their kids. Those cheating mother fuckers!
My roommates just built a mini golf course upstairs while I was sleeping.
I'm sorry but you're choosing a girl that faked a pregnancy when you wouldn't return her calls over a more attractive sane girl who you begged for a chance with last week? God you're a loser.
I found an inside smoking lounge. I'll be here for the next 4 hours. A nice old Canadian lady has befriended me and let me use her lighter. Fuck Hartsfield-Jackson AND this layover. I win.
So I totally just used margarita salt for a body scrub.
I just gave an orange Froot Loop the finger for falling on the floor instead of my mouth when I was pouring a mini box of cereal into my face.
YOU BETTER NOT BE SHAVING YOUR LEGS RIGHT NOW IM TRYING TO HELP YOU
I'm not allowed back because I may or may not have insulted his beer. And the entire Czech Republic.
Under no circumstances is tits McGee to make that kind of decision about my life!
But like it was sooo bad! At one point he tried to flip me over and he fell off the bed
I threw my shoes out of frustration and walked home barefoot... can you help me find my shoes in the morning
If we both don't have awesome filthy sexual experiences to share in the morning...we are no longer best friends.
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