I think my favourite thing about cubicles is the fact that I can pick my nose at work
Babe, the 4 years we've been together have been amazing. Will you marry me?
are you seriously doing this over text message
hahaha no, but i am dumping you.
you know it's the perfect hook up when you don't have any friends in common with his girlfriend on facebook.
Some guy is walking around the bar with his dick out. Health code violation?
I'm going to a foam party and gonna grind someones dick off hayy
i dont trust my judgment anymore so im only going to fuck guys who can donate blood at the red cross. they have standards.
When we were grinding I think your nuva ring fell into my shoe
It's 10AM, she's drunk blaring veggie tales and I have a paper to write you've got to be fucking kidding me
Fuck I am starving. I don't think I've eaten in the past two days.
You didnt need to. Gin is like eggs, its a perfectly nutrionally balanced meal.
By the time the opening band finished, she was already slurring, coming on to the gay couple next to us, and waving her panties in the air.
All I remember from the concert was leaving in an RV full of middle aged people playing circle of death
I found an inside smoking lounge. I'll be here for the next 4 hours. A nice old Canadian lady has befriended me and let me use her lighter. Fuck Hartsfield-Jackson AND this layover. I win.
Now theyre filling the kiddie pool water with boxes and boxes of jello powder and im not sure if thats a sign i should leave or what
Stop thinking about me and go on your date... at least I got the glitter off your face first.
We'll handle his penis the same way we handle day drinking; together.
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