Nice meating you last night
Not a typo
Hey kate, how is it?
sloppy...it's emily. kate just tried to do a keg stand. they dropped her. we're leaving.
and I asked her"are you allergic to condoms latex like your older sister " she said "Idk this is gonna be my 1time"
There are the 2 BIGGEST tools by me-- at our table. I hate them. But they're not ugly and I may make out with them later. And hate myself. Definitely hate myself.
I have taken lazynest to a new level. I took a picture of the notes on the board instead of writing them. I win.
If there was a god I would have a big mac right now, but i don't
He just yelled in the bar, "So I stuck it in two girls butts, why are you bringing that up now?"
Just found my shirt from Saturday, got an automatic contact buzz.
I'm pretty sure whiskey overrules bulimia in the eyes of Texas boys
Our sex bag has now been upgraded to sex luggage, with wheels, and now features a first aid kit. Game. On.
and lets be real... who can blow a middle school class's sunday school teacher and keep a straight face ever again? NOBODY.
While you were hooking up with her I pulled you off to make sure you knew what you were doing.
You said you were "testing the product for Chris."
I'm a bad man.
i repeatedly had to ask him if he was into this because he kept talking about random things while i jerked him off. i got annoyed and in order to annoy him back, i told him i wanted to watch him do it. he also talked about basketball WHILE cumming. NEVER AGAIN.
I would literally only have sex with a dinosaur right now.
Remember that guy that walked around our house naked with a boner wearing nothing but his winter coat? Well, he has a kid now.
Randomize
