His facebook status is an owl city song. I'm so glad i didn't end up fucking him.
just woke up to overhearing her on the phone saying "yeah we fucked last night, that makes 42." should i get tested?
well i fucked her too, so yes.
There's a Sam Adams brew house. How were we not supposed to go
You owe me new eyes. The ones I have are burned with your balls into the back of my eyes. And every time I close them, your balls are right there...
WHO THE FUCK TAGS THEMSELVES AT COUNTY JAIL?!?!
You tripped over nothing.. everyone stopped what they were doing and stared..you stood up and yelled "you win this time gravity"..then started chugging someone's drink
I wonder if the fact that I'm listening to the theme from lion king gives my neighbors the impression that im tripping faceeeee
i was thinking shit as she was saying it. it was a sarcasm time loop
Yes I am wallowing. There is a significant lack of cookie dough
But I got head on a boat yesterday which was sweet until a bald eagle flew over. Then it became life affirming.
Sorry about the Christmas balls dude. At the time I thought they were festive as fk but I see now I've just spent too much time on the internet
I was very impressed with his ability to carry on a conversation with his friends sitting in the front seat with his hand in my pants, getting a hand job, stoned, with a cigarette in his mouth. I think he's a keeper.
Imp drunk. It'd free popcorn tuedday I love life.
I just puked on the sidewalk. At 11am. Thought you'd like to know.
Just found out I lit my hair on fire last night.
I'm reading fall out boy fanfic. What has my life come to.
Randomize
