Going to Kmart high is like jumping in a time machine back to the 80s
i have a dinosaur tramp stamp
How did you steal an entire pie?
I don't know. It's in my purse.
You just kept screaming "You are no House!!!" at the ER doc trying to stitch your head
I don't know the quality of the hand jobs you've received in the past but it CLEARLY was not one from me
Because if the best sex I've ever had was with a gay guy, then God help me.
hooked up with the gay kid & his friend's mom told me "you know he has a identical twin brother whose straight, right?"
If I get over there and the april fools joke is that there's no HBO, I'm setting fire to the place.
I can feel your movements against the shared wall we are leaning up against. It makes me feel as though we are one. Queue Pocahontas song...
The paramedics were not my fault this time.
you walked in, put on rap music and started chugging vodka
I might volunteer to give breath samples on the 17th where I would be required to get drunk and then give samples! THE POLICE WOULD PAY ME AND PROVIDE THE ALCOHOL!
I nicked my vulva while shaving and I'm about to go on a date where I will be having sex. Which bandaid: My Little Pony or princesses?
Sorry I twat blocked you earlier I didn't know Sam was over. But, my house my rules, I don't have to knock before I enter. I did see naked butts and smelt "Sex Stank" in the air, we're going to have to set some ground rules when I get home. Hugs and kisses..Mom
If he knew how badly I want to blow him he’d stop talking about his wife
Randomize
