I met the friendliest cop last night
dude. i was so high. i watched shrek in russian.
i dont even know how to be here
Just made a makeshift menthol by rolling a listerine strip into a regular cigarette... Poor? Who, me?
Could someone please kill snooki before she contributes to the gene pool.
i really should have bought real food rather than condoms, olives, coleslaw and beer...
We hooked up with his aunt passed out next to us. It was just like old times.
It wasn't until that morning that I realized I wasn't actually dreaming, finding myself in the bathtub with someone laying on me
I doubt were getting our security deposit back... the toilet just fell off the wall
If you didn't damage your room so much from fucking so hard we would have got more of our security deposit back
I resent that
And I just want you to know I got myself into this mess. I gotta get myself out. Plus, don't you only need one kidney?
Just saw the ex while I was at CVS at 3am buying Depends for my heavy flow
He said he's going to karaoke tonight and I just spilled a bunch of Cheetos on the floor and ate them all. So that's my night.
You know it was a good night when you wake up w/o a shirt in someone elses living room next to a pancake on a spoon in a bowl of spaghetti.
i have officially smoked myself stupid. went to wally world to buy soap and toothpaste but got 4 potpies and 2 dessert pies instead. fail.
Randomize
