We were both sleeping and she woke up and just puked i feel so bad for everyone around us
I just fired a shotgun out of the back of a truck going 60. i am going to miss oregon.
i woke up today to a handjob from this really fat girl that keeps calling me michael phelps
I'm bringing poparts in case anyone gets hungry. The trek to frat row is strenuous.
On my arm I have 12 dashes, and below is written "plus 2 pretty stout whiskey drinks, so, you be the judge"
he drove an hour to get eggs with me not even a blow job, just eggs.
you were fixing your hair in the bathroom mirror and then fell backwards through the locked stall while she was in mid pee and fell on her lap.
I just googled if crying burns calories
Just got a blowjob on the pier where my great-grandfather entered America.
How is it possible that I am in a completely different city, and there are 2 dudes here that I've banged? How????
She literally just changed his birthday. Overly attached girlfriend has nothing on her.
75% of my food budget goes to wine, the rest to chips and salsa.
All I wanted was a good weekend full of booze, laughs, and maybe some penis. Instead, someone is in the hospital, I didn't sleep at all last night. And not because I got laid.
ok so you're 100% sure this time that he isn't your ex in disguise again?
Just ordered a pregnancy test off amazon. Fuck 2019
Randomize
