i just used the Cadillac of toilet papers. For a minute i actually forgot i was even wiping my ass....i thought i was floating butt first into heaven
Puked in the hotel lobby and just kept walking. I love mardi GRAS.
Let's just say a refrigerator got involved and after that I had to send him home.
Get to the bar. Power hour leading up to the rapture.
all i could think about while he was eating me out was how pretty his eyelashes were
I will forever be haunted by the image of you hurrying to finish your Jimmy Johns sandwich in the Taco Bell drive thru so you could proceed to order $17 dollars worth of shitty Mexican food.
It's isn't revenge sex until you've cum on her porcelain doll collection.
Just talked a homeless guy out of suicide. Was rewarded with a garbage bag full of mountain dew bottles and zannies. Im such a good person
They're making him take his shirt off cause they think he's the bouncer. We're in his backyard.
It's like god made him fantastic at oral to make up for what his mouth does the rest of the time.
I most definitely just found a video on my phone that I accidentally took... You can't see anything and all you can hear is me talking about how good your water was... And then I fed it to you... And used the word "eloquent" to describe it.
sex on the stairs. not our finest idea.
I need vitamin water and Jesus :/
I smell like playdoh, sex, and ruined lives. I love the weekend
My manager caught me going taking a nap in an empty room. Apparently she sleeps there too.
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