Call me "white mamba"
Your dick is not a dangerous deadly poisonous snake
It is white.
im pretty sure that there was a mint leaf in my poop this morning. i love mojito season.
I totally thought the tree was playing the guitar
OMFG, I'm seriously about to get fairly unpolite with this guy.
Wow. I bet he's shakin' in his boots.
champagne bombs. Yes, i think that is where things may have gotten out of control.
Best friends brother. Beat that.
You guys tried to boil water to fill up the empty hot tub. After the fourth trip back with the kettle you gave up.
He kept making me pretend I was his personal trainer. When I swallowed his cum he made me pretend I was drinking a protein shake. Thats actually what it tasted like.
You can't spell "party" without "RA."
You know what else you can't spell it without? "Gonna get fired."
Long story short if you're going to get drunk on a sailboat at night leave your phone in the car.
it's like my ID runs away from me when it knows it's time for me to drink
I told my mom Jesus would want me to snort drugs on his birthday
stupid neighbors doing stupid yard work with their stupid kids when i want to do drugs in the backyard
I'm too hungover to Google him and try to save face.
I WILL go to space. And if we find aliens I WILL fuck one. It’s the Marine Corps way
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