if you are receiving this text, you are one of the people i hate
Di me a solid and hit me with your car.
Wtf am i supposed to tell my kids when they ask about my first time? "Mommy got drunk off her ass and fucked a total stranger in another stranger's bedroom, then got abandoned by the selfish prick and walk of shamed to the nearest gas station to call a cab, but ended up passed out in a park in a pool of her own puke."
At least mommy was smart enough to use protection and hack into the asshole's facebook account.
Well of course. Mommy may be a slutty drunk but she ain't no idiot.
I am at a striph cluv. They are ovealls everywhere. I have hot rock botto.
I feel if a girl leaves my house the next morning feeling degraded and in desparate need of a shower, then I have succeeded.
It's raining. Will need ride home and blow job.
You were saying you didn't want to go home and insisted that I drop you guys off at your uncles. That's how you ended up sleeping on a porch with two dudes
He slapped my ass and his clap-on light turned on.
I don't know his last name, but he's in phone as Pat the conqueror.
I made it crystal clear I'm only upset because he's not anywhere fit to be a father of my unborn zygote
She said it was unconventional for me to yell "Shazam!!" when I came inside her.
I'm at a loss. By loss I mean singing songs from Wicked and pretending I'm at the Oscars
I know they deliver ice cream, but do you think I can ask the delivery guy to watch the rest of the movie with me too?
all i want in life is a shot and a cock is that too much to ask
A million fucking miles away, and the sun still manages to fuck my hungover mornings up.
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