'hiiiigh' is saved in my t9 for a reason
I'll trade you a raw potato for some vodka
you tried to clear everyones facebook status so that yours would be the only one on everyones home page
do you think women who transgender themselves have the option of getting a circumcised or an uncircumcised dick?
closing bar tabs have helped me with simple math in college.
my step dad just called me a drunken slut..someone in my family finally understands me
I think the taxi driver just requested me on facebook..... his name was george right?
did you not get the photos of the finger bruises on my ass?
Duuuuuuuude, I need you to sleep with my girlfriend so I can tell you both to move out
I take to many stalker pics of him. If he ever looks through my phone he'll never give me sex again :(
Oh my god I haven't had mozzarella sticks since I banged that Applebee's waiter
Cocaine bath bombs are a really bad idea
You went into the bathroom, got in the tub with a pillow, yelled "this isn't as comfortable as it looks in the movies" then passed out
i need to get crying drunk at the bar more often. i end up going home with guys who have big penises. its like God is saying "there, there, this will cheer you up".
i just used your hair clip to unclog my bong. i miss you so much!
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