I wannas sexs uuuuu
Please don't use social media to get back at me.
I just experienced a full blown christian wedding. I am SO GLAD YOUR WEDDING WASNT THIS.
im giving 12 year olds life advice. this is probably illegal somewhere.
Were making a bet for which twin will relapse while in rehab. I'm going for the chubbier one
I'm making tacos. Give me one good reason why we shouldn't be high while eating those tacos.
I'm lying on the floor in the back room praying my boss doesn't come to work today.never again
Hi future me, I saved you a big mac under the bed.
They invited me day drinking but brought their kids. 3 two year olds and 1 11 month old. I was asked to change a diaper, I laughed and took another drink of this margarita. I LIKE CHANEL AND TEQUILA NOT CHILDREN. Can we make new friends?
So, just in case you go to the bathroom in the middle of the night.. Sam is asleep in the first stall.
I forgive you, at least you vote. I found out my fuck buddy isn't even registered. I won't fuck a non respectable citizen.
What's protocol when the 18 year old son of an anti-gay preacher sends you a message on Grindr during church?
Want to help me look around town for my shorts from last night?
My talents include parallel parking and over reacting about absolutely everything.. And drinking..
i think she learned that just cuz half shots were easier, doesnt mean she can have triple as many.
Randomize
