She has some nice fakeys. She is also an exotic entrepreneur.
There are GROWN MEN with fake HP wands flinging curses at me in Walmart.
That's funny. Are they weird looking???
OF COURSE THEY ARE WEIRD LOOKING, THEY ARE STALKING ME IN WALMART. WITH. FAKE. WANDS.
How can it be called memorial day weekend....I don't even remember this weekend
I really have to stop waking up in hot tubs on Friday mornings.
How do people deal with hangovers? I literally want to eat my own face.
And by "hammer out the details" you know I mean spending 20 minutes on wedding plans then getting wine drunk, right?
So the keyword here is "hammered"?
So what's today's forecast for the female rollercoaster you've been riding?
if memory serves, the guy you were hooking up with said he was a slutty skittle.
At one point 12 people dressed in care bear onesies were up on stage grinding super nasty, and two of the girl Care Bears were making out.
If this wasn't a hallucination, we need to go to this magical kingdom every night of the week.
Fun fact: drinking me now steals weaponry
If I had a penis, I'd want to put it in you. And I'd treat you with respect and pay for your drinks.
His new girl is probably classy and boring. I bet she doesn't feed him sour patch kids while she wiggles his weiner.
She's high and screaming MEREDITH IS A WHORE
So I sniffed too hard this morning before work and I THINK THE COCAINE JUST STARTED ROUND 2.
I woke up with clothes on this morning and I'm pretty sure you had something to do with that. Thank you.
Randomize
