Dude, you posted a cap of a porn to survey if it looked like me. That's pretty certifiably creepy.
i am high, trapped with a bunch of skaters and asians watching a cat on lsd on youtube, the girl on the couch next to me is getting fingered, and there is lady gaga playing. god has forgetten about me
Just tried my new showerhead. Sex with Brian will never be the same.
drunk me is my new role model. he's fearless. like not even afraid of tornadoes.
And you kept repeating "I didn't know know that this was a no blow job zone."
Hahaha I asked him about her bjs and he said "I would not wish that on anyone"
One minute we were getting noise complainted by the security guards the next I was shotgunning a beer with them
the laptop wouldn't balance on his lap. that's how well endowed he is.
how are things with the new girl?
good, we have nothing in common but she likes being choked
Haha never eat brownies from a guy with batman pajamas
She told him that she never wanted to see him again then took his takeout box of bacon cheddar fries and got in the uber saying "for feminism"
I told my coworker that I'd get him some edibles because he wants to rekindle his marriage. I'd better get some good karma out of this.
The condoms have been found. I repeat: THE CONDOMS HAVE BEEN FOUND. he isn't a collector!!!
I'm glad that we laid to rest the suspicion that he was keeping them in a scrapbook. yayy
Have you ever gotten such awesome underwear you wish you didnt have to wear pants?
Ok. Yes. He has a tiny penis. But he also has a trust fund.
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