i just realized that we are the poor version of bethenny and jill from real housewives... and I'm jill. this is a 6.5 on the depressing scale
at least we're not in new jersey
My life is like the prequel to "40 Year Old Virgin"
Angelique from Rock of Love is now doing phone sex commercials for central illinois....id say she's going places.
When he came he sounded like a flock of birds hitting puberty
I feel like I'm taking part in a surprise porno. At least my hair looked good.
While we were making out, he kept yelling at me for not coming to his wedding last month.
I ended up with bruises on the back of my knees. Tell me again how I did this?
Nothing quite like pre-gaming the Kentucky Derby with adderall and adderall. I'm fairly confident I could outrun all of these fucking horses in a foot race right now.
It's Saturday night and I'm getting shitfaced alone while reading Dino porn. Wassssuuuupppp
I just came so hard my hamstring felt like it was going to tear. I am also now a screamer
Is eating a dinner of fishsticks and gin mean you're failing at adulthood? I'm asking for a friend.
Was it your intent last night to burn the house down? With a waffle..
So I just saw someone get shoved into a car trunk by your car.
like honestly, the vodka had to go somewhere, and your moms soap dispenser just seemed right at the time..
i need to get crying drunk at the bar more often. i end up going home with guys who have big penises. its like God is saying "there, there, this will cheer you up".
Randomize
