I hope I'm pregnant just to spite you.
yeah so this exboyfriend of yours reckons you're still together and he punched me in the face cos i slept with you last week. you might wanna have a word with him or at a minimum change your facebook status.
We were doing it doggy style, and I puked on the floor and started crying, he told me it was okay his cat would eat it... and if it would make me feel better we could do anal...
And they lived happily ever after....
I just stuffed five dollars in my near empty box of camels to remind myself to buy more. And my mom says I don't budget my money
To say he's a good fuck is like saying the beatles had a bit of success. My vag is still mourning the fact he moved.
Did you know there's no emoticon to really tell you that I just consumed a magic brownie?
230 lb girl across the train from me is giving a dude in a kilt a handjob while he sits in her lap
If I take diet pills with my edibles I'll be a perfect person
Me too. We could do it like prostitutes. No kissing on the mouth.
A guy wearing a shirt that says "eat shit and die motherfucker" just held open a door for me. He's got manners.
Soo I woke up in the storage room at best western....I dont even know what say
You know you can't live off of vodka and pizza rolls forever
I'VE ALREADY MADE MY CHOICE
i came outside and he was eating her out on my lawn. i refuse to pick up the dog shit in my yard so i hope he chose the spot wisely
I have the rest of my life to settle down this is totally time for friends and pizza
She was cleaning herself at the bus stop. She also picked up gum off the ground and ate it
Randomize
