Her life has all the ingredients for a how to book: Making Your Life an Epic Fail
It was like doing yoga with his dick in me
did you violate me with a mr sketch marker when i passed out? i just peed and wiped purple and it smelled like grape. i need to get to the bottom of this...
she said she'd get any tattoo I wanted ... so she's getting a large crossword puzzle as a tramp stamp. I'm the Einstein of doggy style
she got into med school, i feel dumb for banging her dance major friend
you might as well be a hobo. you were covered in pee last night hanging out on the stairs drunk.
right. well we all have our lows.
Apparently throwing balloons filled with vodka off the roof is considered terrorism.
Some guy walked in while I was taking a piss and asked me if I knew of a back way out of the bar. He looked pretty freaked out.
Who says there aren't gentlemen anymore? My one night stand warmed up my car for me
I really have to stop having sex with people I sell drugs to...it feels unprofessional
I threw up in a flower pot outside the bar last night and have a date tonight....I think I missed something
It's a good thing he's hot, because it seemed like he was trying to do CPR on my private parts
i spent most of my hangover doing the math to figure out the last of the alcohol would be metabolized from my system.
thank you pre-med degree.
I hear my roommate snoring and I feel bad for his girlfriend but then I hear them having sex and I guess it all works out in the end.
I woke up on the damn lawn again...it's not even summer yet
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