so, the parking garage attendent caught us humping in the car. long story short, we have free parking whenever we want! take that abstinence.
you handed the cop a condom last night and said "it's all about protect and serve right?"
I wonder if she thought to herself "I'm gonna sleep with that guy tonight" when she watched me puke on the bar at 3 in the afternoon?
I don't know who the girl crying at my kitchen table eating gravy from the KFC container is, but I feel like she could be my soulmate
Ive seen teh same guy pissing in the corner. Twice. Its eally weird. My frieds gonna do th funnel. Im so excited for her! Love, cori. Cuz its lik a diary.
I'm ultimately at thr Shariton to drink and ppssibly puke on fancy shit. Thats my story and Im sticking to it.
I like to balance the number of cups of coffee to bong rips in the morning before work.
Ok, so technically yes she wore a red tank top to the stoplight party. But under it was a yellow bra and green panties.
I think your dad took our porno
I did get to watch you pee, tho. That counts as another precious moment.
She ran from her surprise party screaming "I'm not ready for an intervention." Yeah, the girl has a problem.
Ok fine, yes she's pregnant. But you're ignoring the most important part. HER BOOBS GOT BIGGER. That doesn't happen every day, and I owe it to myself to enjoy those boobs before the belly catches up to them!
You don't know how skeptical I was about letting a guy with braces go down on me
He fucked me while wearing a unicorn horn. I think I have found the one...
How was I supposed to know the accent was fake before i slept with him
Randomize
