We are like the golden girls with less cheesecake and more drugs.
redhead is getting on the bull...again red head is getting on the bull!
I woke up to a paper award certificate for best blow job and he was gone. You're welcome mystey man.
I was giving him head and when I deep throated him he screamed out "Ohh, top ten!"
I drunk madeout with my mom last night. it's guna be an awkward breakfast.
When I came in she was screaming "boundaries!" at the cat because it was trying to eat her pizza rolls.
In all seriousness, if tomorrow night becomes a heated game of Which Ex Gets To Take The Plastered Birthday Girl Home, I'm going to bow out with my integrity intact.
No worries. It'll grow back. I mean, hey, my eyebrows grew back after he shaved them off. So it's all good.
Hey, it was your idea to keep her occupied with the barscanner on your phone.
you didnt need to give her a fucking sharpie. there are handmade barcodes everywhere. including my cock. fucker.
Guys, Black Friday does not exist in the world of dealing. Stop texting me asking what my deals are.
OH FOR FUCKS SAKE! SOMEONE TOOK ME FOR A GODDAMN PROSTITUTE!! IM WEARING LEG WARMERS!!! THAT IS LIKE THE LEAST HOOKERISH THING TO WEAR!
Do you have any idea how hard it is to iphone keyboard type "roflcopter" when intoxicated?
In the ER with Chelz, I may have broken her ankle during sex. Lovely.
Update: pile o Coke party starting at approx 4 - 7 and going until 1ish to celebrate our founding fathers and love of cocaine and hatred of everyone\n
I had sex while watching Lord of the Rings last night. I think I just reached a new level of nerd.
Randomize
