I mean, he's dancing back and forth between pathetically sad and massively fucking creepy.
It says i should accept HIV aids as my friend on facebook.We have 12 friends in common. I need new friends.
i got so high last night i cried hysterically for like 5 minutes because i dont have any superpowers
Its official. 'Jingle Bell Rock' gives me a boner. Thank you Lindsay Lohan & Rachel McAdams.
the awesomeness of being snowed in wore off after we ran out of beer and we realized we really didnt want to be stuck with everyone.
Also on a more serious note, what says pull my hair more: straight or soft curls?
Dude. Cab ride home consisted of me making out with an Asian girl sitting next to my Dad
I have been referring to it as "thanks for getting out of me day" all week. Do you think they will still take me to brunch tomorrow?
She was a little hefty, so I turned on the strobe light in our room. Everything looks better with a strobe light.
I got tossed from adult league soccer for telling a 55 year old I'd break his hip. I'm a productive member of society
For breaking and entering. I think neighbor dan cared more about me puking in his backseat than the surprise of me waking up there
I walked in on him pumping himself up by headbanging to the drumbeat from Jumanji.
Oh, now I remember why I deleted your number. You're kind of a dick. Please delete mine.
The free coupon that printed out with the purchase of my plan b emergency contraception was for allergy meds. I feel like a coupon for condoms would've been more fitting in this situation.
Oh wait. It's for wart remover. Fitting, afterall.
She told me the next morning I stared at her tits for like 15 minutes with binoculars from only a few seats away.
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