i got lost in a forest last night. this morning I realized the "forest" was just 6 trees on campus.
And that's when I found out that Patrick wasn't in fact down with O.P.P.
I don't know, I don't really wanna ask the question, "Mom why am I not circumcised?"
I just made Jack Daniels snow cones.
I don't really want to explain to you right now but i just ate laundry detergent
the first sign of life we got from you was four hours later. you smiled without opening your eyes when tom whispered in your ear we were getting buffalo wings.
Yes. No, I'm basically a superhero but with drugs. I'm robin hood. I steal from the rich (insurance and drug companies) and give to the poor (everyone I know).
We got banned from that Whataburger for life. WHATABURGER. Which is saying something. They deal with drunk dumbasses every night.
Tequila happens.
Please come over here so I can show off my beard, talk to you about how quantum computing is actually a symptom of interstellar physics, and then put my head under your dress
Have you ever been up at one in the morning and thought to yourself, "I do not know nearly enough about penguin reproduction"?
Realizing life ain't all about burritos and strippers, it's a struggle out there, and it ain't looking pretty so far,..
And if you put this on Facebook, I will drop live cockroaches in your mouth while you sleep and then smother you with a pillow.
You always say the most romantic things
that sounds horrible...
what could possibly go wrong attempting to re-enact the dinosaur capture scene from Jurrasic Park... I have the net gun and camcorder you have the dino costume and can run
He calculated like a serious conversion in his head the other day and got a crazy number and I was like damn that’s hot please proceed to take your clothes off.
sorry about your sharpie. alex wanted to shave the left side of his body so he had me draw a line over him with a ruler
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